I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
