wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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