Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
