I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
