We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
