im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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