I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
