remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
