I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
