Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
