i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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