YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
