Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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