I need help removing her.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
