Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
