spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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