There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
