I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
