i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
