If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
