When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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