He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
