so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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