Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
birth control should be required to get into college
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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