Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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