I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
