Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's great music for shaving your balls
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
