she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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