I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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