sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
