It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
