Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
