if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Still dying that you shit outside
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
