Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
