we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
