How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
