naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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