who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
