So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
