she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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