Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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