This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
