i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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