Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
