I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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