bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
