I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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