GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
