I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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