I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
