Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
