the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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