I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
