Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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