Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
high people should be assigned attendants
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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