My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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