If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
