i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
