Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
