Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
