Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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