Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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