You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
