So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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