Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
