just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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