Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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