I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
