Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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