dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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