I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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