I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
