I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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