the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
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there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.