it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates