I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.