listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.