Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
