Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.