I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
