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i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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