you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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