On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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