i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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