Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
